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Sunday, May 08, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

I 'cleverly acquired' this from someone else:


My Mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just mopped the floor!"

My Mother taught me RELIGION.
  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

My Mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mother taught me LOGIC.
  "Because I said so, that's why!"

My Mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
  "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"

My Mother taught me FORESIGHT.
  "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident."

My Mother taught me IRONY.
  "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!"

My Mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
  "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
  "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mother taught me about STAMINA.
  "You'll sit there and eat until you have a clean plate!"

My Mother taught me about WEATHER.
  "This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!"

My Mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
  "If I told you once, I've told you a million times--Don't exaggerate!"

My Mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
  "I brought you into this world--I'll take you out!"

My Mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
  "Stop acting like your brother!"

My Mother taught me about ENVY.
  "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have this food to eat."
  (I won't tell you what happened when I offered to send it to them....)

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
  "You just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.
  "You are gonna get it when you get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
  "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!"

My Mother taught me ESP.
  "Put a jacket on, don't you think I know when you are cold!!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR.
  "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me!"

My Mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
  "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS.
  "Shut that door.  Were you born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me WISDOM.
  "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

and my personal favorite.........

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE.
  "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU!"

Have a Happy Mother's Day everyone!!!!!!



Sue said...

OMG!!!! those are words from my past, my mother said the same things, just too funny. You brought back some good/bad times with this post.
God bless you and your family, and
Sue from WI

Merilyn said...

Oh my goodnesss!!! our Mothers must have gone to the same Mother School LOL!!! I really enjoyed reading your post!!
Hope you had a lovely Mother's Day!!

Appalachian Quilts said...

I had to laugh when I saw that. My Mom was the Queen Bee of all of those things! LOL